


I Cannot Fall in Love

by Annakovsky



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-28
Updated: 2004-05-28
Packaged: 2017-10-09 18:39:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annakovsky/pseuds/Annakovsky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The expression of Dom's that Hannah really fucking hates is that rock star smirk he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Cannot Fall in Love

The expression of Dom's that Hannah really fucking hates is that rock-star smirk he does, with his lips all sticking out and his eyes closed. He looks like an ass, and he does it all the fucking time.

Dom didn't used to smirk constantly. When she visited them in New Zealand, he looked normal - his hair brown, his face sometimes even vulnerable. Now he's got that dirty blond scraggly thing going on, and the rock star face, and the stupid scarves and t-shirts and the just-on-the-edge-of-retarded-looking-but-never-quite-going-over fashion near-catastrophes. Hannah can't stand it.

Dom makes the rock star face a fucking lot when he's doing karaoke.

***

Billy is ten times more of a rock star than Dom. Kelly had made her watch him on her mom's show, even though Hannah rolled her eyes.

"I can't believe he's playing fucking Britney," Kelly said. She watched for a few more seconds. "It's kind of fucking hot."

Hannah didn't say anything, just watched Billy's hands on the frets, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

Britney Spears lyrics were not meaningful. Billy getting flushed was not... anything. It wasn't anything.

Billy is ten times more of a rock star than Dom, but he never makes that fucking rock star face. Even doing karaoke.

***

Mexico is hot, all sweat and salt and dust and lime and humidity. The bar isn't air-conditioned and even Lij has sweat marks under his arms. Even Billy.

It is fucking stupid to be out with Orlando Bloom and Brad Pitt and spend all your time watching a diminutive Scottish hobbit.

***

Saffron keeps trying to talk to Hannah, like because they're both girls Hannah gives a fuck.

"This is an adventure, isn't it?" Saffron laughs, looking at the hobbits and Trojans and Greeks singing "YMCA" on stage, drunk and ridiculous and off-key. "Heroes everywhere!" she continues.

Hannah smiles at her tightly.

Karaoke is not an adventure. Those are not heroes.

Coming along with Elijah to visit Orli was a stupid thing to do. But Hannah likes the Iliad, sort of, and she was bored, and... yeah. She thought Lij might talk to her. She thought Dom might be normal. She thought Billy...

No, she had no thoughts about Billy whatsoever.

***

Billy didn't bring his girlfriend along to Mexico. She had a job in Glasgow, he said, some show whose name Hannah didn't bother to remember.

Ali is a dancer. She is pretty and graceful and Scottish and gentle and refined.

Hannah trips on her own feet not two steps from the table on her way out of the bar to have a smoke, and nearly falls on her face. "Fuck," she says, catching herself on Orli's chair. She hopes Billy didn't see.

When she looks over, he's engrossed in a conversation with Lij and obviously paying no attention whatsoever.

Funny how that's worse.

Dom's haircut is suddenly extremely annoying to her, and Hannah ruffles his hair roughly on her way by. "Oi!" Dom says, batting her hand away and trying to fix the damage.

Billy looks at her then, his green eyes cool and sharp and hard.

She looks back defiantly, ruffles Dom's hair again and stalks off.

An hour later she gives Dom a blowjob in the grimy bathroom.

***

Saffron wants Hannah to join her up on stage and sing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun."

Hannah politely declines.

***

Blowing Dom weirdly makes Hannah like him again. He's just so... uncomplicated at that moment, his face open and unguarded. Simple. He does not look like he is posing for supposed legions of female fans. He does not look like he is desperate for some casting agent to pay attention to him. He is just... Dom, looking down at her like she is the only person in the world who matters.

She is not stupid enough to think this means anything.

Afterwards he slings an arm around her shoulder and nuzzles behind her ear.

"Hannah Hannah Hannah," he mumbles. "Hannah Hannah bo-bana banafana-fo-fana..."

Billy sees them walking out of the corridor together and gets a strange look on his face, quiet and tired and angry and sad all at once.

Hannah looks away.

Her plans never work out the way she means them to.

***

Orlando and Eric whatever, that Hulk guy, are singing Cher up on stage. With feeling. "Do you believe in life after love?" Orli warbles. He's wearing, like, the Orlandoiest shirt of all time, wide cuffs at the sleeves and green checks all over it. Such a freak.

Lij is having a serious conversation with Dom over in a corner across the room, his hands moving agitatedly, quick and angry. Hannah hopes Dom tells him to fuck off and mind his own business, even if he's not talking about her. Elijah usually needs to fuck off and mind his own business. Or probably, in this case, just fuck Dom and get it over with already.

Billy picks up his beer and moves down the table to sit next to her.

"So, Hannah," he says.

"Billy," she says.

They sit in silence. Billy takes a morose sip of beer.

***

"Hannah has to sing something!" Elijah says loudly. "C'mon, Hannah!"

Dom joins in the urging, a smug look on his face.

She's back to hating Dom again.

She gives them both the finger, picks a song, and goes up on stage.

Dom and Elijah start up clapping loudly along with the music, wasted and enthusiastic. When she starts singing, they bounce onto the floor, energetic and sloppy as they try to do the Robocop and the Freddy. After a second Orli joins them.

Billy sits at the table, arms crossed across his chest.

Dom and Elijah's limbs are flailing, and Elijah starts up with his weird giggling. They and Orli smash into each other, dancing and laughing and trying to knock each other down.

"And I can hate your girl," Hannah sings, looking right at Billy. He meets her eyes steadily, biting his lip. Dom and Elijah and Orli, oblivious, keep dancing.

Hannah's voice isn't great, but she can carry a tune. She sings, holding onto the mic with both hands, sings as the boys dance wildly, so focused on each other that they don't hear a word of it. Billy watches her, but she looks away from him.

"I cannot fall in love," she sings to the back of the room, over and over. "I'll never fall in love. I cannot fall in love."

***

Dom's on stage singing some Oasis song, rock star face and dramatic gestures, fellating the mic, throwing his fist in the air. Billy is sitting in the corner by himself, hunched over his beer. Elijah is chain-smoking and swearing. Orlando has his arm flung over Brad Pitt's shoulder, giggling into Brad's neck. (Yeah, 'cause THAT'S going to turn out well.)

So fucked up. All of them.

Hannah goes and sits by Billy. He glances up at her and smiles a little bit, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Was Dom always like that?" Hannah asks.

Billy looks at Dom, who is sticking his tongue out in what he seems to imagine is a sexy way. Billy smiles that non-smile again - rueful, sad, weary.

"I don't know," he says.

"It pisses me off," Hannah says.

"Mmm." Billy is still watching Dom. Dom grins, baring his teeth, and points at Billy. Billy points back for a second, then takes a drink of beer. Dom sings the chorus.

Hannah looks down at the rings of condensation on the table, wipes sweat off her upper lip.

"I hate this," she says softly, so softly she can barely hear herself over the music. "I hate you guys like this."

"Eh?" Billy asks, dragging his eyes away from Dom. "I didn't catch that."

"Nothing," she says. She hates the way Billy looks at Dom, the way Dom looks at Billy, the way Elijah looks at both of them, the existence of Ali, this bar, Hollywood, the whole world. Et cetera.

Billy gives her that hard look again, eyes glittering. "No, what did you say?"

"I said," she says, angry and clearly enunciating, "do you want to fuck?"

Billy blinks, then silently gets up and walks away.

She thinks that's the reaction she was going for, but who even knows?

***

On the way out of the bar, Dom throws his arm over Billy's shoulders, pressing his body against Billy's side, and suddenly to Hannah it looks like New Zealand again, them smiling in the old, happy way.

That lasts for about two seconds before Dom, like, sees something shiny and is scampering away, distracted and hyper and drunk as fuck.

Hannah rolls her eyes and glances over at Billy, who's now walking next to her. "Dom is such a spaz," she says. Billy shrugs.

They walk for a bit in silence. "Sorry about earlier," Hannah says eventually, not looking at him.

"What for?" Billy asks.

Hannah shrugs, suddenly, ridiculously on the verge of tears. She hates being such a fucking girl.

Billy looks at her and gets the strangest look on his face, a look whose emotion she can't pin down. It makes her feel even lonelier, somehow, feel like she's longing for something permanently out of reach. Not longing for Billy, exactly, just for... something, something safe and good.

Nothing's safe and good.

"Hannah," Billy says, in a voice that goes with that look. "Hannah...."

"Shut up," she says, trying to laugh through her closed-up throat.

Billy nods and looks away.

They walk the rest of the way back to the hotel without saying anything.

***  
END


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